Song of the Moment: “La Vida es un Carnaval” – Celia Cruz

The past few days have certainly be interesting.

Friday afternoon, I left work early to see my doctor for an “emergency” appointment. I had been having severe lower abdominal pains for the past two days and didn’t want to wait any longer. It turns out, my doctor was out on vacation, so the assistant put me with another doctor. A little Indian man waltzes in and asks what the problem seems to be, and I tell him of my terrible cramps in my stomach, and how I’ve been having them since highschool. All this time, I always associated them with menstral cramps (even though I got them when I was off my cycle too), but as I pin pointed the area in which the pain afflicts me, the doctor told me I probably have Irritable Bowel Syndrom (IBS). Though, he wants to rule out the possibility of anything else, so I must get a CT-scan, an endoscopy, and a colonoscopy before he can be 100% sure that it’s IBS. 

The best part of my check-up was when he asked if my primary care physician had done a rectal exam on me. I thrusted my head back a little and tentatively squeaked out a “no”. He then asked, “do you mind if I perform one on you”? Eh, I didn’t feel totally comfortable, but I felt it was necessary and didn’t want to be a pain in the butt (no pun intended). He stepped out of the room while I prepared myself, and when he came back in, he asked me to lie on my side. He squirted some lubricant in that area and then proceeded to insert his index finger into my butt hole. Um, I think I screamed on the inside. It’s not that it was particularly painful, but the feeling was incredibly uncomfortable. I seriously felt like I was going to go #2 right on his hand. Anyways, the point is, it kind of hurt, and he made my butt hole bleed. Due to the fact that I may have IBS, he also recommended I drink a glass of Metamucil every night before I go to bed. Yuck.

Oh, and he also had me do this 24 hour urine sample test. Starting at 8am yesterday up until 8am this morning, I had to urinate into this giant orange container and keep it in the refrigerator. Mmm, appetizing. I had to warn my roommate not to touch/drink the contents within the bright orange container.

So, that’s a little update on my health, if you will. Now, Saturday night, my boyfriend and I went to this club for his friend’s VIP birthday party, and guess who I spotted? Ding ding ding! You guessed it: the ex-boyfriend. Funny how my friend spotted him the weekend before at some fancy Jewish party, and this past weekend, I spot him at a skanky club where guys are only looking for girls to take home. I can hardly imagine anybody being at that club to have fun because the music was absolutely wretched. It actually put me in a bad mood. If I were a single girl there, I’d probably want to make out with a guy and go home with him too, anything to make up for the boring time I had at the club. Anyways, my boyfriend and I were wandering the dance floor, and then suddenly, he pulls on my arm and turns me around. It was then that I noticed the ex-bf. It’s funny how my boyfriend recognized him first (pictures from my computer). He proceeded to pull me towards the ex-bf for reasons I do not know. To talk? To fight? I don’t know, but I was just in no mood to make any sort of conversation, so I ran into the other dance room. My boyfriend came following after me a minute later, and I really thought he was going to start a fight with the ex-bf. I am not one who seeks any sort of negative attention, so I did my best to assuage my boyfriend’s anger. One, he was tired (having worked 78 hours that week) and two, he had a few too many drinks, so it’s understandable that he’d be a bit hostile towards the ex-bf. No, I didn’t talk to him, and no, I didn’t throw or have anybody throw drinks on him. It would have been a waste of my breath and a waste of a $10 drink on somebody not even worth it. So, as disappointed as you all may be, I just left the situation as is. Haha. I’m such a pansy.

Anyways, that’s just a little update to my life. La vida es un carnaval!!